Genesis 26: 1 -11

Incidence of child abuse

Estimates about the extent of child maltreatment vary greatly. It is believed that much child abuse goes unreported, although the magnitude of unreported cases is not known. Estimates run from a low of several hundred thousand to 2-3 million children abused each year in the United States . Estimates for sexual abuse also vary. One estimate suggests that one in five girls and one in eleven boys falls victim to sexual abuse before turning 18. Although statistics are important in understanding the magnitude of the problem, they can also impede understanding. Large estimates, even those developed in well designed research studies; tend to create a sense of disbelief about the magnitude of child abuse. It is difficult to imagine that so many children are intentionally hurt by adults.

Children are abused by adults they know and in many cases by members of their own families.

Physical abuse of children is often committed by a child's parent or parent substitute (for example, a boyfriend or girlfriend of the child's parent). In physical abuse cases, females are more often the perpetrators. This is thought to result from the fact that women spend more time around children, not that females are more inclined to abuse children. Abuse of a child by a male more often results in serious or lethal abuse of a child. Sexual abuse of children is committed by males in 90% of the cases. Abuse can also involve children in pornography.

Causes

Theories about the causes of child maltreatment vary. Until recently many people believed that abuse of children was the result of defects in the individual adult's personality. Increasing evidence suggests that many types of abuse are related to social and economic conditions. Poverty, unemployment, dilapidated housing, urban crime, drug use, and other stresses are associated with physical abuse and neglect of children. Many abusive parents were themselves raised in abusive, discordant, environments, and violence was common. These conditions help produce adults who are unable to empathize with other human beings and who are inclined to use violence in interpersonal interactions.

The sad truth in this life is that we live what we learn. And though the legacy of the great man of God, Abraham is a faith filled one, it is also a frailty filled one. Two areas I want to scan today and give you a warning and a Hope. The warning is in the first section concerning the fruit of your lifestyle. The hope is found in the new covenant, a hope for the future.

First let’s look at the Earthly error.

I have often thought on the passage of scripture in Ex 20:5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God [am] a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth [generation] of them that hate me;

Ex 34:7 Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear [the guilty]; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and to the fourth [generation].

If you read that thinking that God is going to punish the children for the dad’s sin, then you have a misunderstanding.

2Ki 14:6

That is not the case as you can see.

Note he says “visiting the sins of the fathers on the children.”

Not punishing the children....But perhaps a sadder case, a case in which YOU set a trend and it carries on in your families even a few generations down the road.Eze 18:2 What mean ye, that ye use this proverb concerning the land of Israel, saying, The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge?

Often we say of a child or children “just like their father” and we mean no good by it.

Here in this chapter, in this incident, we see an example of a son who learned from his dad’s mistakes...learned the wrong thing.

Go back with me to Abraham’s earlier life and at a decision he made concerning this same situation.1Chapterv 20:10 -13

A pre meditated deal. A habit, style of Abraham’s life, now passed on somehow to his son many years later. A penchant for an evil trait is visited on, passed on to the children.

Someone has said “You teach a lot by what you say, more by what you do, but most of all by what you are."

How true this is in, our lives. How we pass on, without intending to, the evils that we harbor inside. Have you ever noticed that the woman who despises her mother somehow winds up being rather a lot like that mother? Have you noted that the traits we most hate in our families are often ones we resort to in later life?

Thats what happened here. Poor old Isaac falls into the same trap that his dad fell into, lying because he thought God wasn’t strong enough to sustain him. That should give us pause to ponder a moment. I mean what sort of godliness have you passed on to your offspring. As the dad of three, I shudder to think what traits I may have passed on unwittingly. What are you bequeathing to your offspring? What are the values you are demonstrating to them? Values that are Bible based or feeling based? God honoring or self honoring?

We need to examine this because it is the key to future problem or pleasure for our chiuldren.

God said in Prov 22:6¶ Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

TRAIN, To dedicate. Put full priority into the upbringing of that child.

Joan Benoit samuelson ran in Olympic trials again a number of years back, and as good shape as she was in to start with, she still had to train. Train means gettingout there every day and dilligently doing whatever it takes to be your best. The Hebrew word can also be translated “dedicate”. It means that this is an important task requiring much effort and time and purpose.

Deut. 6: 6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.

Dilligently teach. That’s the idea of training. Want to hear a sad tale?? Listen to a tale of some Kings of Israel and Judah : 1 Kings 15:1-3 Now in the eighteenth year of king Jeroboam the son of Nebat reigned Abijam over Judah . Three years reigned he in Jerusalem . And his mother's name [was] Maachah, the daughter of Abishalom. And he walked in all the sins of his father, which he had done before him: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as the heart of David his forefather.

NOW in verses 25&26:25 ¶ And Nadab the son of Jeroboam began to reign over Israel in the second year of Asa king of Judah , and reigned over Israel two years. And he did evil in the sight of the LORD, and walked in the way of his father, and in his sin wherewith he made Israel to sin.

22:51-53 Ahaziah the son of Ahab began to reign over Israel in Samaria the seventeenth year of Jehoshaphat king of Judah , and reigned two years over Israel . And he did evil in the sight of the LORD, and walked in the way of his father, and in the way of his mother, and in the way of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, who made Israel to sin: For he served Baal, and worshipped him, and provoked to anger the LORD God of Israel, according to all that his father had done.

Sad huh? This is an ongoing tale in the kings of Judah and Irael. It ultimately brings the nation to its demise. What a pronouncement “he walked after the sins if his father.”

It didn’t have to be that way, listen to the next one: 2 chron.20:31-32And Jehoshaphat reigned over Judah : [he was] thirty and five years old when he began to reign, and he reigned twenty and five years in Jerusalem . And his mother's name [was] Azubah the daughter of Shilhi. And he walked in the way of Asa his father, and departed not from it, doing [that which was] right in the sight of the LORD.

Oh Dads, your example and mine are so integral, so essential in the raising of our children. They hear what we say, they learn what we teach them verbally...some. But they glean the most by our actions and manner of life. Ouch. They know us all too well and we imprint on them both positive and negative values. THey too have a sin nature and they will choose for themselves, but GOD says of us fathers that we are to raise our children in the nurture and training of the Lord in Eph. 6.

We are to tell them as Deut. 6 said to us, and we see here that we are to mold them.

Prov 22: 6 says also train up a child in the way he should go...

In the Hebrew wording there is a sense to that “the way he should go” a sense of according to the way he or she is bent. Your children aren’t all the same and you need to recognize that. Don’t expect your Rembrandt to be a Truck driver, to your Truck driver to be a George Beverly Shea. This involves you getting to know your children as they grow. OUCH huh?

We are so busy sometimes waiting for them to grow we forget to aid them by being there for them. By setting an example for them, not just in word, but in action and manner of life.

Look in closing moments at these 18 suggestions to raise a child for God. There are copies available in the back for those who really want to raise their children for God

HOW TO RAISE A CHILD FOR GOD

Christian Counseling and Education foundation, Wayne Mack

1. Examine your expectations for your child. Are they realistic. Evaluate them in light of the bible (1 Corinthians 13:11 ; Matthew 18:10 ; Genesis 33:12-14).

2. Love your child unconditionally (Deuteronomy7:7; 1 John 4:10, 19).

3. Look for opportunities to commend your child. Frequently express appreciation (Philippians 1:3; 1 Thessalonians 1:2; 2 Thessalonians 1:3).

4. Seldom criticize without first expressing appreciation for the child’s good points (1 Corinthians 1:3-13).

5. Give your child freedom to make decisions. where serious issues are at stake give guidance and direction. Your goal should be to bring your child to maturity in Christ and not to dependence on you (Ephesians4:13-15;

6:4; Proverbs22:6; Colossians 1:27 - 28).

6. Do not compare him with others (Galatians 6:4; 2 Corinthians 10:12 -13; 1 Corinthians 12:4-11).

7. Never mock or make fun of your child. Do not put down or humiliate your child. Beware of name calling like “clumsy, dumb or stupid (Matthew7:12;Ephesians 4:29 -30; Colossians 4:6).

8. Do not scold your child in front of others (Matthew 16: 22 -23; 18:15 ; 1 Corinthians 16:14 ).

9. Never make threats or promises that you do not intend to keep (Matthew 5:37 ;James 5:12 ;colossians 3:9).

10. Do not be afraid to say NO and mean it (Proverbs 22:15 ; 29:15 1 Samuel 3:13 Genesis 18:19 ).

11. When your child has a problem or is a problem, do not overreact or lose control of yourself. Do not yell or shout or scream at your child (Ephesians 4:26-27;1 Corinthians 16:14; 2 Timothy 2:24-25; 1 Timothy 5:1-2 James 1:19-20).

12. Communicate optimism and expectancy. Do not communicate by word or action that you have given up on your child and are resigned to him or her being a failure. (Philemon 21; 2 Corinthians 9:1-2; 1 Corinthians 13:7).

13. Make sure that your child knows exactly what your expectations are. Most of the book of Proverbs is specific counsel from a Father to his son.

14. Ask your child’s advice--include the children in some of the planning for the family (Romans 1:11-12; 2 Timothy 4:11; 1 Timothy 4:12; John 6:5).

15 When you make a mistake with your child, admit it and ask your child’s forgiveness (Matthew 5:23-24; James 5:16).

16. Have family conferences where you discuss:

a. Family goals

b. Family projects

c. Vacations

d. Devotions

e. Chores

f. Discipline

g. Complaints

h. Suggestions

i. Problems

Welcome contributions from your child (Psalm 128; James 1:19 , 3:13 -18 Titus 1:6-8; Proverbs 15:22).

17. Assess your child’s areas of strength and then encourage development of these areas. Begin with ONE area and work from there (2 Timothy 1:16 ; 4:5; 1 Peter 4:10 ).

18. Give your child PLENTY of tender loving care. Be free in your expression of love by word and deed (1 Corinthians 13:1-8; 16:14 ; John 13:34 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8).

Do you know there is a way out of this mess? Even if dads blow it there is hope. But better if thy don’t : Listen(2 Kings 221-2 Josiah [was] eight years old when he began to reign, and he reigned thirty and one years in Jerusalem. And his mother's name [was] Jedidah, the daughter of Adaiah of Boscath. And he did [that which was] right in the sight of the LORD, and walked in all the way of David his father, and turned not aside to the right hand or to the left.

What a beautiful picture of our loving God...reaching into the heart of this young man to shepherd his people back to him...Though his immediate parent may have disobeyed, he harkened back to an obedient forebear, David, a man after God’s own heart.

God can always override your sin and failure. But don’t settle for that, give your best shot at raising your children to love God with all their heart and soul and mind. Start with those still at home if your others are grown and you will see what God can do.

One of the most poignant songs of my generation is the story of a business man who was too busy making money and attending to business to spend any time raising his son. In the song, the boy asks “when are you coming home to spend time with me “and the dad’s reply “after I do this trip or that I’ll come home soon and we’ll get together then...you know we’ll have a good time then.

The last verse is sad and causes me to become introspective because the son is grown and has a family and the retired dad is asking when will you get home to see us”.

And the son responds as his daddy used to “I’ll be comin’ home but I don’t know when...and we’ll get together then. . .yeah you know we’ll have a good time then...and the last line is this as the sorrowful father reaps the fruit of his life...my boy had turned out just like me...you know my boy had turned out just like me...(2)

You think about that: Amen

(1)©1980 Wayne Mack. “A Homework Manual For Biblical Counseling” p174 Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Co., Phillipsburg , NJ 08865

(2) Cat’s In The Cradle” © 1996-2006 Harry Chapin.com: The Harry Chapin Archive